Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
