I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
