Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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