JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
