She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Apparently you make a good broom.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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