I wish I only lived at night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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