my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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