I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
