dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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