Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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