I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
