I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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