I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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