I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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