White coat. Heels.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Randomize
