you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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