We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Randomize
