i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
