Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
did i walk over a car last night?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
