Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
