Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
