My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
