i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
