Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
