i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm getting married
To pizza
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
