ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
