you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
