I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
