you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
