I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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