how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
