Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
