I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
