nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
