Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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