I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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