i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
