he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
