you guys were way drunker than both of me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
