It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
