I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
It was like getting head from an anaconda
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
