I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
