I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Damn victory sex feels great
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
