Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
