while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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