I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
