This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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