mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
