Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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