I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
