Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
